It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
