So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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