just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
