Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Please don't give away my fajitas
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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