So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
