I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
