Betty ford says i'm here all night
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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