Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
