I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
