Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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