You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We need to get me chipped asap
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
