in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
