so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
