After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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