I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
