Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
