Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
