Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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