it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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