As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
