Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
