lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
