you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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