Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
