On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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