I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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