Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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