Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
