mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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