Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
