You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
