I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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