She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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