Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
