I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
