I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
