Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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