Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
