my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think my fart just growled at me.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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