You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
