It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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