I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
