I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
