its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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