I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
