Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
