Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
