she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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