Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
