I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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