OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
