Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
