I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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