Define "chronic" masturbator.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
