There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
