there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
