You just made me feel so damn special
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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