Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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