just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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