just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
