and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My vagina just clenched in fear
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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