and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
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Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
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We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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