I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
PANTIES FOUND
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
