So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The Olympian is in my bed
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
