You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
