She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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