That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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