well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
