would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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