OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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