Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
